The Words given by My Dad That Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of being a father.

But the reality quickly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good place. You require support. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mothers and about PND, less is said about the challenges new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to communicate among men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a show of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - taking a short trip abroad, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their stories, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I think my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."